Top 10 Things To Do In The British Virgin Islands

Unsatisfied with the generic search results from TripAdvisor, Yahoo Answers, Rick Steves and Lonely Planet?  Here’s the Top 10 Things To Do In The British Virgin Islands insiders edition…sort of

1) Know a Boat Captain – Having a friend who will willingly navigate your floating party barge around the BVIs is key!  Meet Captain Mike!  As long as we keep this guy hydrated with Painkillers and Bushwackers (when not navigating) he keeps us cruisin’.  If you don’t know what a Painkiller or Bushwacker is, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, and refer to #3 on this list.

2) Marina Cay Conga Line –  The Marina Cay Conga Line is not well publicized and is a bit of an island secret.  First, find out when there will be live music at the Rob White Bar on the hilltop of Marina Cay.  Next have a few drinks at the Pussers waterfront bar and enjoy the view.  Finally, make your way up to the top and order several Painkillers.  After this sequence of events, you WILL form a conga line down the hill.  You might also decide to swim back to the boat and realize 1/2 way there, that swimming is tiring and difficult when intoxicated.

3) Painkillers & Bushwackers! – Screwdrivers and Mudslides would be extinct if these drinks made it to the mainland.  If you’re tired of blue curacao and gernadine soaked cocktails, do youself a favor and head to the BVIs.

4) Dinghy Slingshot – Tie an extra line to the end of the main halyard.  Tie a hand-hold loop where the line meets the water.  Tie the other end of the line to your dinghy.  Convince the girl who is scared of heights to hold on to the hand loop.  Get a “running” start with your dinghy and chuck said girl into the air.  People will be jealous of your dinghy.  If you don’t know what a dinghy is, these instructions may have sounded a bit odd and/or painful.

5) Willie T’s – Located off of Norman Island, it’s a floating Pirate Ship Bar..need I say more?  Go at night.  You might even find yourself on one of the TVs which showcase prior patrons who have had their fair share of liquid courage.

6) Get Hussled in Vollyball – If you’re finishing up a few games of volleyball and a couple of pleasant, middle-aged, seemingly harmless vacationers ask to play..Don’t Do It!  Their cohorts will rip off their shirts, throw on their Top Gun sunglasses and wager the bar tab to the losers before you can decline with any sense of dignity.  Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me twice, yep, did that too.  They were wayyy older…had to be a fluke!? nope.

7) Flashlight Dance Party – Did you know that when you shake a flashlight just right it creates a strobe light? Well it doesn’t, but when you’ve completed #2 and #3 on this list, it’s close enough.  Crank up the music, turn your flashlight into a shake weight, and dance until someone falls off the boat.  Good Times.

8) Eat Carribean Lobster – No sarcasm here.  It’s local and fresh.  Enjoy!

9) Befriend a Barracuda – Typically you avoid snarled tooth predators that can swim 25mph, but not Barry.  Barry the barracuda lives in Cane Garden Bay and will join you for breakfast if you have bacon.  Just make sure your salt-cured pork is up to par.  It’s rumored that Barry lopped off the toe of some cheap sailor who gave him that turkey bacon garbage.

10) Go With Good Friends! – This should truly be #1 on the list.  Living on a boat makes everyone spend time together and sometimes forced proximity is exactly what we need in our fast-paced and ever changing lives.  Great conversations, laughs and life-long memories will be had so choose wisely when planning your own BVI vacation.  We know we did!!!

If you thought this was some sort of legitimate top 10 list for the BVIs I apologize…Google has failed you.